¨Shyinnovation¨

shyinnovation @ 2005-03-09T11:18:00

2005-03-09T19:34:58Z

Well, were do i start? ...I havent done this in a while, but i suppose i will try it once again. Life has changed so much recently that its hard to understand. I am living in this false reality were my mother is... nice. DONT GET ME WRONG she's a nice person, but she's been weird nice, the way you talk to your mom right before you ask for something you want. Diet plans are old and yet still hard to follow,and I've been put back in the sea...

BRYNN IS GETTING MARRIED IN 9 DAYS! That's a little scary...

I dont know what else to tell you. School is ok... people are nice, mean, short, tall, people are the same as they always are, only now they like to take pictures of me when im not looking, or they "fall in love" with me, or they wait in the front of the school till you leave, ahh men, youcant live with em' so lets try to live with out em'.

shyinnovation @ 2004-08-22T08:53:00

2004-08-22T15:57:55Z

Here i am again. Life has been full of unreturned phone calls and letters. I'm counting down the days till school will start and I will have fun again.

Britney, i need you to call me so we can get together. Do you have my #? I would call you but i dont have yours. Nadya all i can say is I tryed... wanna sat hey to everyone but i dont have the time. I hope to see you guys soon.

shyinnovation @ 2004-07-23T20:37:00

2004-07-24T03:39:54Z

well im grounded today for no real good reason, but at least i can still see a movie with cris tomorrow. i need you guys to come everyone call me and we will see a movie tomorrow.

shyinnovation @ 2004-07-08T17:44:00

2004-07-09T00:53:34Z

Its been a long time, and I must say life seems so much better now. Things are coming together in a way i could never say to its fullest extent. I miss all of you and hope to see you soon. maybe we can do something over the summer.

Im starting another live journal, but its not a journal. There are letters in it. These are unsent letters to people i know. I have kept these on a floppy disk for a long time, but since i kept losing the floppy's i've decided to do it this way. The live journalname im going to put them on is secret_honesty. I dont think I'll start it today though. It will be strictly friends only. To be added just add the name to your buddylist and I'll add you. I hope to see you all soon.

shyinnovation @ 2004-06-03T08:54:00

2004-06-03T15:58:59Z

I Always thought these were stupid but... here i go. Tell me what you think of me. Good or bad it doesn't matter. Post anonymously. Please be honest.

shyinnovation @ 2004-06-01T09:23:00

2004-06-01T16:35:30Z

I have a question for you. Do you ever miss it? Do you ever miss being 5? Do you ever miss knowing you will never die? Being put up on your dads shoulders? Do you ever miss it? Cause I do. I miss the way I laughed with my family, the way I cried with them, When school didnt matter. I miss the child like innocence that came with being small. I miss the times I thought I knew all. I miss it.

Parker and Tyler

2004-05-25T16:42:13Z

Tyler asked me if i hated him the other day... I just stood there and didnt answer. The truth is i dont but the fact that he hates me is so clear i just didn't say anything. I dont know whats up with him. His girlfriend is always crying, she is always sad.

parker is another story. I must say i hated parker. I hated him so much i can not find words to describe it. It seemed i was hit with darts and teased with jokes that have no real base or truth in them until i could take it no more. But now it seems diffrent. He's nice, polite if i dare say it. For a reason that isn't clear to me. Of course he still teases me, still... well i dont know what changed, he just did. Maybe he's finally found some maturaty...nah!

PS- I got kinky cream on phill yesterday. For those of you who saw it... I say yes, it was worth it.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-24T09:54:00

2004-05-24T17:01:40Z

I don't really have much to say. I've been avoiding my own saying. I would say it expecting others to accept it, without excepting it myself. People change. I must except it whether its in a good way or a bad one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

2004-05-20T15:34:19Z

Today is my birthday and i'm very excited cause we are going to hollywood to see a play...musical thing. The only gifts I've gotten so far are a bit strange...but whatever. Not much has happened today. Yesterday was the last day of Annie. How sad. I preformed, then ate then went to bed and dreamed about my mom and Chris smoking together while she said "Your such a good boy Chris." Then i woke up to my dog biting my hair and pulling it. My life is strange.

Tonie and her boy friend are going crazy. I dont know exactly whats up but she thought he was cheating on her with me. The fact is i'm interested in someone else. I used to like justin, but after seeing him flirt with Shawny for thirty min I'm trying to get over it. But yes there is someone i like, but even if he asked me out i would say no. I realize I'm not ready for a relationship and i want to wait till near the end of summer or the beginning of next year. Well I'll see you all.

"The red headed step child"

2004-05-17T16:57:42Z

This is the most random thing, but it confuses me so much i'm going to write about it. I ditched with chris and devin one day and my parents found out. They basically said that Devin is bad and I corrupted chris's mind and made him go with us. She said that was the first time he had ever ditched. though I know it isn't for he has ditched with me before this. My mom hates all of my guy friends. there has never been one she truly likes. She may say it's ok to be with them, but she always has this air about her as though it is against her better judgment. Some how chris has gone past this. Not only does my mom not hate him but she thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread! You may ask why i'm not glad that she doesn't hate him, and i'll tell you. It's not that i'm not glad, it's just... why him. Why not the guys i date? Why not the guys i like. It has to be that red headed kid. i guess it creeps me out. She says things like " he has such a baby face" or " he's really cute" or " poor guy, he has to take the bus home and then walk the rest of the way". God! what the hell did that red headed step child do to my mom?!

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-16T09:32:00

2004-05-16T16:37:29Z

No matter what has happened in the past its over. I'm going to look at it as though it never happened. Live goes on and I will make sure that i live it while being happy. Ive been so depressed that i would try to cover it up by being overly happy, which wasn't the right thing to do.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-16T09:10:00

2004-05-16T16:14:18Z

Today I have a annie rehearsal and it seems I already forgot what time it starts. I've had fun doing all these choir shows but its starting to kinda overload. If anyone knows the time for the annie rehearsal please contact me. I'll see you all.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-13T08:15:00

2004-05-13T15:33:07Z

So much has gone on i don't know how to say it.i'm fine. Life will go on.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-10T09:47:00

2004-05-10T16:52:10Z

I'm so happy. It feels as though I have a new outlook on life a clearer way to see it. I dont know how to explain,the way i feel, but i suppose that doesn't really matter as long as I'm happy. Does it?

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-08T09:58:00

2004-05-08T17:20:32Z

Sometimes we forget who we are... who we wish to be. I must apologize to you, for I had forgotin. Depression took over me and I refused to fight it. Thanks to all of you who helped me through. I'm not going to use my other live journal, but stick with this one.

Well, I'll start with my day now. Yesterday I had a lot of fun. (Even though my feet are so sore.) I didn't go to school, but left with my friends. I would have thought it would have been really lame cause we had no house to go in, and there really wasn't much to do. But I found out just how much I had in common with Chris. He's not the joker I always thought he was. I had fun. What else can I say.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-04T09:14:00

2004-05-04T16:18:22Z

I'll keep this going, I just wont put all the depressing crap that happens to me in here. I'll seem happy. Whether I am or not.

shyinnovation @ 2004-05-03T09:32:00

2004-05-03T17:00:43Z

What should I tell you now. You won't believe me. Though i must admit you have good reason. I dont know if i'll continue this or just start a whole new journal and forget this one. I guess I will keep this one for now. But what can I say when you wont believe it, and if you tell me you do believe it... well read my last entry.

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-29T09:05:00

2004-04-29T17:05:49Z

I've realized I don't care. People think they understand whats going on when they dont. Promises are broken with no regret until the consequences come to get you. I'm sick of this. Let me tell you now that this is my last truthful entry. I'm worrying my friends with the problems that come over my life. I will start a new journal... a journal none of my friends will know of. th I don't want to hurt the ones I hold so close to me. Life goes on. And until i get over this i will pretend i am. NO one else will know. Know one else will hear. I won't let this go on. What ever happens in the past is over. There is no way to forget but i will do my best. What comes in life will come and i will meat it with a cheerful smile on my face, whether or not I'm in the mood to wear one.

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-19T09:11:00

2004-04-19T16:31:41Z

Were to begin? Where do you start in a story book of thoughts and hopes. I don't know what to tell about my life. life is a complex thing I will never fully understand. I'm not sure if i'm over geoff or not. I will think about him and then I will feel heart broken and
wounded. I feel vulnerable and as though i I'm ashamed i can not get over it. But... as this problem moves through, all the rest of my life seem to be put together. Parents have always been the one in charge but now sometimes when we look at each other I feel we are finally equals. As though we know we will be ok. It's sort of a connection, something that makes you glance at each other whent you walk by. Something you don't tell people. Like an inside joke.

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-18T09:03:00

2004-04-18T16:09:29Z

Well, it's been a long time. I am glad to say that life is getting back on track. We went to Magic Mountain and had a whole lot of fun. Spring break wasn't as horrible as I had been expecting. I'm glad things turned out the way they did.

Something Good

2004-04-08T15:27:09Z

Now I can actually tell you something that wont depress everyone. People said they were sad about me and my boy friend breaking up...don't be! I'm so glad! Things are finally turning around for the better.

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-06T19:08:00

2004-04-07T02:42:25Z

I've realized that all the entries have been so depressing. Well...I broke up with him and I'm very glad im not keeping that secret anymore. I feel bad but in time he'll get over me and in time, I'll eventually get over him. I find it hard to believe that this actually happend but I suppose that this, in time will help things.

My "Journal"

2004-04-06T02:31:48Z

I don't know how many people have read this but i'm starting not to care. As long as this is far from my parents prying eyes I don't mind. I still can not bring my self to break up with Geoff, he seems like such a part of me. I still like him and I will always love him as a person no matter how he feels. But I know we are not meant for each other.

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-04T12:20:00

2004-04-04T19:39:47Z

Well were do i begin? Were do you start in a shower of good hopes and dreams. Things are finally seeming to come together. I'm starting to get out of restrictions, but it is a slow excursion. As things move together at home Geoff and i move farther apart, yet he has no idea. How can I tell him when I know he likes me so much? I feel as if I'm taking the only one who was good to me and stabbing him in the back. Is it so wrong though? I have to do what my parents wish and if their wish happens to be what I want... does that make me a bad person?

shyinnovation @ 2004-04-01T21:48:00

2004-04-02T05:59:37Z

I dont know where to start. I have so much to say, but no time to say it. I'm at home now. I'm grounded and if i was caught on the internet right now it would do nothing but force me deeper in to the bottomless hole I seem to have dug. I dont know who would read about my life but this seemed a way to express what im trying and failing to overcome in life. I cant say much here, but i will right in the morning.